Oh gawd kill me with this movie....this is a really bad movie that happened to Sean Connery who you'd think would know better but doesn't seem to be making the most wisest movie choices in his career right now. The whole time I'm watching this movie all i kept thinking was that he was trying to re-capture the essence of his character from "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade". In that he was the old but wise, lovable but frustrating, who meant well but made life choices that he regrets with everything he's able. As Allan Quartermain he goes for a slightly less stuffy edge to his character which he does convincingly play but the storyline is boring and you really don't care for any of the characters other than Allan Quartermain and Tom Sawyer. Everybody else is just decoration and I must say gawdy and un-necessary.
There's Captain Nemo who looks like an Arabic wanna-be with the turban and fake beard.....Mina Harker whom we're supposed to believe is now a vampire even though according to the book was saved when Dracula was killed. The Invisible Man tends to be nothing but clothes and cold cream for some reason....although he does get some funny lines....but I cared more for his accent then his words.....what IS it about men with accents?!?!?! Dorian Gray who comes off as a effeminate pretty boy who we're supposed to believe is in love with Mina Harker but the whole time I'm thinking "just come outta the closet already!" Then there's the schizoid Dr. Jekyell and Mr. Hyde who is unbelivably ugly as Mr. Hyde and pathetic as Dr. Jekyell. And he's supposed to be attracted to Mina Harker too.....*rolls eyes* And why are all the guys supposed to be attracted to Mina Harker? She's not that pretty and annoying dull and boring.....it's like these guys have never seen a woman before for crying out loud! Then there's M who originally brings the "League" together and is an eye-rolling and retardedly thin reference to Sean Connery's role as 007. Like we really wanted that reminder when James Bond is supposed to be set almost half a century later?!?!?! Please.....
Of course some characters had more faults then others. Tom Sawyer was alright but are we really supposed to believe that he works for the American Secret Service when in the book he barely reads and writes and is barely articulate let alone resourceful enough to be a spy?!?!?!?! I really think the movie should have explained a little of how some of the characters got to how where they were at the time of the movie to make the characters and the movie more believable...if not at least less ridiculous.......
The really absurd part is when M turns out to be the villian.....James Moriarty the mastermind criminal from the Sherlock Holmes series.....and I must say quite the disappointment....I had imagined him as more stately and menacing and insidious.....instead he reminded me more of the villians from silent movies who go around twirling their mustaches, dressing in black, tying the girl to the railroad tracks and muttering "curses! foiled again!" at the end. Or at least that's how i felt the movie potrayed him......*sigh* He comes across as an incompentent villian like Gargamel from the Smurfs rather than like Hannibal Lecter but without quite so much the insanity.....pathetic and annoying.
And don't even get me started on the storyline....please!!!! at the turn of the century the big plot is to avoid a big world war?!?!?! who are they kidding?!?!? it's gonna happen anyway and we're supposed to believe that this is some big apocalyptic event that these fiction superheroes prevent? *yawn* Could care less.....and the special effects...oh gawd you've gotta be kidding!!! We're supposed to believe that a submarine the size of an air freighter goes around the world being undetected? and can navigate through rivers and Venice waterways? Not bloody likey.....I always imagined it as big but not that stupidly big.....there's no way that something that big could stand that much water pressure not to mention the ridiculous decorations...we're supposed to believe this sub can go at amazing speeds through the water without the little statute decorations breaking off or that something that big can stand that much water pressure?!?!?! Again....not bloody likely! Even with my ability to believe in the unbelievable and stretching my imaginiation didn't make this any easier to watch. I spent more time rolling my eyes and wondering if they were kidding then actually watching the movie and that's saying something.....
In the end all I wanted was Moriarty to win and kill them all and start the world war already so that I wouldn't have to watch it anymore.....him winning would have been infinitely better then having to sit through this retarded cheese-fest *ugh* It would have played better if maybe they had done it as some kind of mission from England to steal something that was supposed to be originally English but turns out isn't.....and that the villian wanted that something for his own evil purposes......probably would have played better and given more room for character development and interaction....not to mention probably better dialog and more believability. Oh well.....chalk up another waste of time and money and hope that the actors pick a better movie for their next projects.
